Do Justly. Love Mercy. Walk Humbly.
Micah 6:8

Monday, December 2, 2013

The "Oh..." Moment

Here’s an inside look at how guys carefully approach relationships, and at the major worry that they have when it comes to opposite-sex relationships.

First off, this isn’t about real friendships, this is about those friendships where a guy secretly fancies the girl or is attracted to her – which is honestly, like, most guy-girl friendships. Those rare friendships where guys and girls are legitimately just friends are, well, totally different.

Here’s the thing that the guy worries about: getting written off. Getting written off is the general ‘oh…’ moment. This happens when the girl says or does something that makes you go, you guessed it, ‘oh…’

One basic example includes a girl saying she can see herself as being ‘an old cat lady’. That’s a no from me. I guess I can see it too.

Another includes seeing the way a girl talks to or about other girls. If it’s nice and loving, then the guy will be inclined to be the same – but if it’s rude, then that’s a no again. This includes gossip and rumors. If you can’t get along with your own gender, how can you possibly know enough about how you work as a female to get along with me?
                                                                                                                    
The last basic example is seeing how a girl interacts with “hot guys”. One person I knew recently, I liked as soon as I met her. I could see myself marrying her. She just had everything that I wanted – physically, mentally, and spiritually. She was cute, she was smart, and she had a love for God I’d never seen before.

We helped out at a volunteer event and I was kinda pumped, to be honest. We didn’t work together, but the group of us went out for dinner afterwards. The moment came when we were leaving. She had gone ahead, and was stopped at a table near the door. There were a couple “hot guys” there. She was chatting it up, obviously excited at their muscles bulging out of their cut-off tank tops. We asked why we were stopped, and she said, “I’m just talking to these smokin’ hot guys.”

I could see they shifted in their seats for a second. Looked like they were almost as uncomfortable and confused as I was. Why was she so blatant? Couldn’t she use a better term? Or speak as though they were human beings? Well, we left and were in the parking lot and she just had to give those guys her number. So we scrounged for paper and a pen and a friend went in and delivered it. Yeah, the friend who delivered it told me those guys were weirded out when they got it. I seriously doubt they ever texted or called her.

Why, you might ask?

Because, at that moment, those guys all had their “oh…” moment. All they could see was a girl who couldn’t control herself and needed a “hot” boyfriend.

And, standing in the parking lot, I had my “oh…” moment. Why? Because what I saw was that even though this girl was mature physically, mentally, and spiritually, she was not mature emotionally. She couldn’t control herself. And I wanted no part with a girl who only looked to see if a guy was “hot” before she wanted to date him.

How do these three examples all tie together? All of them are things that the girl says or does that instantly turns the guy totally off.

What? Did you say, ‘What does this have to do with guys’ insecurities?’ Well, I’m glad you asked.

Guys, like girls, want to come across right. We all want to come across as we are. And yet, one simple thing could ruin the whole picture. That’s what guys are worried about when it comes to friendships or getting to know a girl. They’re worried about saying or doing the wrong thing and, as a result, having the girl have her “oh…” moment and deciding that he isn’t what she’s looking for.

I’m sure girls feel the same thing. But oh man, guys feel it too. And most of the time we all don’t realize it.

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But, in response to this issue, how do we fix it? It’s not easy to do, and yet it’s not hard to explain. Give second chances. That’s it. I’ve been trying to, and it’s really going to help you too. What if that girl or guy that just said or did something really dumb is actually nothing like that? What if they really are everything that you’re looking for? You won’t know unless you give them second chances. Because, honestly, don't you want second chances too?